In a shocking newsworthy development, word has recently been released that Professor Longcat, resident scarf of Starla Insigna, has decided to run for Sir King Master / Lady Queen Mistress (we really couldn’t tell what gender it was) of Four Island. Initial response to this news has been skeptical, but increased in positivity majorly after the recent press release held in Longcat’s office at Harvard University, where he/she holds a tenured position.
February 22, 2012
February 13, 2012
Tamesis Is Baking Cookies
In late breaking news, snooping reporters from True Falsities have discovered that local Four Island lunatic Tamesis Lucien has become pregnant, and according to their recent Twitter babbling, the mother… father… whatever, is Starla Insigna.
January 31, 2012
Lana del Rey’s Album Comes Out, Mass Chaos Ensues
It is January 31st, and Lana del Rey’s debut album Born To Die has just been released in all countries except for Four Island. Due to its legally pending sovereign status (Starla forgot to fill out the forms), Born To Die may not be released in Four Island’s one music store for a few months. As possibly the biggest Lana del Rey fan in the western hemisphere, Starla was not satisfied with this and in fact took a flight to Ireland, where the album came out early, on January 27th.
January 30, 2012
Tamesis Receives Four Island Advocacy Award
Local Four Island resident Tamesis Lucien has been awarded the Four Island Advocacy Award Of Advocacy And Also Advocacy. Tamesis Lucien is well-known as a potentially insane Four Islander [ That's redundant -Editor ] who has panic attacks when Chrome takes too long to load Four Island. With us now, for an interview, is Tamesis Lucien himself.
January 29, 2012
Sammi9494 Charged With Eating Salad
In a shocking blow to her reputation, Sammi9494, local resident bubble-blower, was arrested yesterday for eating salad in Four Island’s one square-mile WiFi dead zone. Police arrived on the scene only moments after a passer-by spotted the girl sitting on a picnic blanket, eating green, leafy vegetables, and Sammi9494 was arrested after only a few hours of triple-checking the paperwork.
January 28, 2012
Chinese Food Found In Reservoir
The FBI (Four Island Bearing Ingots) have issued an advisory warning people who drink water to look out for particles present in their water supply. The advisory was incredibly vague, was written in blue ink on light blue paper, and dropped in everyone’s mailboxes, and when pressed for more information, the FBI was initially not very forthcoming. However, after tying up the head of the FBI (we at True Falsities can pretty much get away with anything because of the Editor (the Editor may or may not be Starla Insigna—we’re actually not very sure)) and shoving cupcakes in his mouth, he came clean: someone apparently found a packet of chinese food floating in the Four Island Reservoir.
January 27, 2012
Spammer Moves To Four Island
Four Island is well known for having an incredibly open immigration system. One only has to agree to the terms of the Four Island Constitution, and they are pretty much immediately allowed to move in (though after the Fairyglop Incident of 2010, possible new residents must also pass a simple driving exam). Despite this, it was to the island’s great surprise when a spammer decided to immigrate to Four Island, as one of the terms of the Four Island Constitution is “Thou shalt not spam.”
January 26, 2012
Dr. Blooshoie Sues To Stay Relevant
News has arrived today that Dr. Blooshoie, local Four Island crackpot, has filed a lawsuit. News reached us today when we opened our corporate mailbox and found a letter telling us that Dr. Blooshoie was suing us. It took a while for the higher ups to realize that Dr. Blooshoie was suing True Falsities, and hadn’t just accidentally done so while trying to sue his cat (again). Full story after the break.
January 25, 2012
Four Islanders Sent To Porn-Education Class
After demonstrating that Four Islanders had absolutely no idea what porn was, Starla Insigna decided to take the initiative to educate everyone, since this is Four Island Heck Let’s Educate ‘Yall Week. So, she forced everyone to attend a porn-education class.
January 24, 2012
New CEO of Apple Appointed
Following the death of Steve Jobs in October of 2011, Apple Incorporated went to work to find a suitable person to take Jobs’s place as CEO of Apple. Completely forgetting that Jobs was the Chairman and not the CEO, and that this had been the case for a month before he died, Apple made the decision that the new CEO of Apple should, for some reason, be someone outside of the company. A few radicals within the company got together and decided that to really promote innovation, the new CEO should not be an Apple fan—in fact, they should be the biggest hater of Apple on the globe. So, it follows that on Wednesday, Starla Insigna was appointed the new CEO of Apple Incorporated.