Four Island is well known for having an incredibly open immigration system. One only has to agree to the terms of the Four Island Constitution, and they are pretty much immediately allowed to move in (though after the Fairyglop Incident of 2010, possible new residents must also pass a simple driving exam). Despite this, it was to the island’s great surprise when a spammer decided to immigrate to Four Island, as one of the terms of the Four Island Constitution is “Thou shalt not spam.”
January 27, 2012
January 26, 2012
Dr. Blooshoie Sues To Stay Relevant
News has arrived today that Dr. Blooshoie, local Four Island crackpot, has filed a lawsuit. News reached us today when we opened our corporate mailbox and found a letter telling us that Dr. Blooshoie was suing us. It took a while for the higher ups to realize that Dr. Blooshoie was suing True Falsities, and hadn’t just accidentally done so while trying to sue his cat (again). Full story after the break.
January 25, 2012
Four Islanders Sent To Porn-Education Class
After demonstrating that Four Islanders had absolutely no idea what porn was, Starla Insigna decided to take the initiative to educate everyone, since this is Four Island Heck Let’s Educate ‘Yall Week. So, she forced everyone to attend a porn-education class.
January 24, 2012
New CEO of Apple Appointed
Following the death of Steve Jobs in October of 2011, Apple Incorporated went to work to find a suitable person to take Jobs’s place as CEO of Apple. Completely forgetting that Jobs was the Chairman and not the CEO, and that this had been the case for a month before he died, Apple made the decision that the new CEO of Apple should, for some reason, be someone outside of the company. A few radicals within the company got together and decided that to really promote innovation, the new CEO should not be an Apple fan—in fact, they should be the biggest hater of Apple on the globe. So, it follows that on Wednesday, Starla Insigna was appointed the new CEO of Apple Incorporated.
January 22, 2012
Ask TF: How Can I Become Famous?
Hello, everyone! Here at True Falsities, we have a thing for journalistic integrity. By that, I mean that we’re currently being sued by many large corporations for false false advertising because we haven’t released an issue in over a year and a half. In the hopes of getting a few of our two loyal readers back to the scene, we’ve hired a wonderful fellow whose name we’ve forgotten and who we’ve just decided to call The True Falsities Oracle. Don’t get too excited—he’s not really omniscient; if he was, he would’ve known that I took his iPhone. Anyway, here’s Johnny or James or whatever with Ask True Falsities. -Editor
April 5, 2010
Happy Birthday Pyro!
That’s So Random, Four Island – When we were woken up at 5 in the morning by a loud smashing sound coming from That’s So Random, we, being the awesome reporters that we are, decided to investigate. What we found wasn’t shocking or disturbing or anorexic at all: we found a group of Four Islanders, led by Starla Insigna, working on something large hidden under a tarp.
January 1, 2010
New Year? Not Yet!
In a shocking turn of events, the public holiday New Years Day has been postponed from it’s international norm of January 1st to January 2nd. The general population of Four Island hasn’t taken it too well. We went to Starla Insigna for more information.
November 15, 2009
The Gates Of Subliminal Messaging
Starla Insigna recently released her new album, which was surprising because she didn’t have an old album, or any visible music talents at all, really. [Citation needed] Annoyed at how she was being doubted, she started manically advertising it absolutely everywhere. Anywhere you went, hotels, movie theaters, bathrooms, you would know about I Might Be Wrong by The Gates Of Sleep.
September 22, 2009
The Arrival of Nermality
Recently, a new citizen of Four Island has arrived. Her name is Magda Nermal [that is such a bad pun - Editor] and she has caused quite a stir. What with her constant calls to the police station [do we even have police? - Editor] and protests, everyone is becoming quite agitated. We decided to ask her what it is about our wonderful metaphysical home she doesn’t like.
September 20, 2009
Drifty Revealed
You know about Smiley’s obsession with Pi and the fourth dimension and Ozzyfrog’s airplane obsession. You know about JAL’s obsession with closets and Bluemonkey’s fixation with his bus. You know about Pyro’s poking habit and TimTam’s electrical brain. You know about the Taylor Swift fanatics: Sammi9494, Timbo94 (who is also obsessed with Sakura) and Starla Insigna (everyone knows she’s weird). But there’s one inhabitant who has, for the main part, remained shrouded in mystery. She is sometimes quoted in the newspaper, but she is never seen. This is Four Island Local News 42, and we’re bringing you the scoop on Drifty.