True Falsities

Starla Insigna recently released her new album, which was surprising because she didn’t have an old album, or any visible music talents at all, really. ^{[Citation needed]} Annoyed at how she was being doubted, she started manically advertising it absolutely everywhere. Anywhere you went, hotels, movie theaters, bathrooms, you would know about I Might Be Wrong by The Gates Of Sleep.

Since Starla hasn’t previously produced any music, there was no reason for anyone to try the album out except for the fact that it was free. And that’s why everyone on Four Island listened to it. The album was 16 tracks in length, including two bonus tracks, and it seemed to captivate everyone on the Island of Four almost magically. The obsession with it became so bad that you couldn’t walk down the street without hearing Up & Go. We interviewed several Four Islanders about this strange epidemic.

Starla Insigna: Hi!

Reporter: I’m…. not even going to bother.

Pyro: Oh my baby is so fine, we just call it plastic surgery. We need to eat out plow but they want our laundry.

Reporter: Um, okay, so, Pyro. What do you think about the Gates Of Sleep epidemic?

Pyro: What a letdown, at are you listening?

Reporter: ….what?

Pyro: All our known ways of life that you were a effect addict in EIGHT cities on the rented seated on the red army and the new new mandate is out of cleanup macaroni.

Tamasis: They’re on a rack around me and my best friend that, without rewriting the data earlier, I above it to cool down the block, very like a very delicate.

Drifty: A lighted I can’t fail to act like a hunter’s stock will achieve a political show grounds of that is about to stop you would you like a UN Academy.

Pyro, Tamasis & Drifty: Rule that the audio, what she was told, at all attack and the problem not enough without a problem!

Reporter: O_O *runs away*

Pyro: I might be wrong, but this could be seen as an attempt to leave me.

Timbo94: Don’t give up! You’re right! There is an epidemic!

Reporter: What?

Timbo94: Run, before it gets you! TGOS fever has been stripping the Island of all rational thought for a week!

Reporter: Do you know how it started?

Timbo94: It started when Starla released the album and people started listening to it. After they heard the music, they were hooked!

* Sammi9494 comes running up

Sammi9494: One day I was walking down the street….

Timbo94: No, run for your life, before it gets you too!

* Reporter runs

Timbo94: It’s the breakfast cereal that’s a drink!

Careful inspection of the songs in question (a.k.a. listening to them through a voice disguiser) has revealed that each song contains subliminal messages designed to infiltrate you mind and make you a slave to the music. “It’s like a poncho,” says top expert Ybrik Tah. Not quite understanding this, we decided instead to try to save the hypnotized listeners of Four Island, but were then reminded that we were only a newspaper and we let the people carry out their needs.

UPDATE: The people carried out their needs! Bluemonkety, seeing what happened to his friend, Tamesis, changed his name to Bluemonkety and started a campaign called 1800-I-JUST-SAW-MY-FRIEND-GET-HYPNOTIZED-BY-STARLAS-MUSIC-AND-IM-CALLING-THIS-NUMBER-TO-REPORT-WHAT-I-SAW.com. Currently, there are negative infinity members, but Bluemonkety hopes that his new bananaphone remix will get people to join.

UPDATE: And I have more to write about! I’m seriously not getting paid enough for this…. [Masfhsafuisafgsa9pfgasdfgbrilingfpt -Editor] Sure…. Anyway, Bluemonkety’s campaign has hit it big time! And by “it”, I mean a giant octopus! Bluemonkety went insane and started slapping an octopus, which, for some reason, unhypnotized the island!

“I believe that this happened because the sound of someone slapping an octopus is the auditory inverse of my subliminal messaging,” contributed Starla Insigna.

“Wait, why are you helping?”

“Because I didn’t create the subliminal messaging! I got hypnotized too! By my own music!”

We still do not know where the subliminal messaging came from, but it was easily evicted from the album by adding a second subliminal message of a person slapping an octopus, which cancelled eachother out. And as for how the messages got onto the album:

Drifty: It’s a conspiracy!